Friday, June 25, 2010

On Deck


She glanced over the bow.

Nothing.

“Carroway!”

No response.

She sighed. No use. May as well give it up. There’s no way he could have survived out there this long. 

No way.

“Carroway!”

Nothing.

She turned, slowly, so slowly. She took a few steps toward the wheelhouse. She looked back, scanned the horizon.

Nothing.

She kicked the door open and planted herself at the wheel. She hesitated another moment before cranking up the engines.

Done. This is it.

No more.

Last trip.

Ever.

She spun the wheel, headed toward the mainland.

Stupid.

She never should have left him alone. Never.

She knew better. What a stupid, rookie mistake.

Thump thump thump.

A new sound, one she hadn’t heard from this trusty old scow.

Thump thump thump.

Something bouncing. Metal.

Metal.

Of course.

So stupid.

She slowed the engine, scanned the deck of the wheelhouse, spotted the revolver.

Sighing, she grabbed it, strolled out of the wheelhouse, tossed it into the deep.

Better clean that stray spot of blood, too, before she made it back to the dock.

Done.

Last trip.

Ever.





10 comments:

Jen Brubacher said...

Oh my... great suggestion of so much more that we've just missed. This is really intriguing.

pegjet said...

I almost laughed at the ending, I was so surprised.

Every word counted, and you told a complete story in so few. Well done.

ganymeder said...

Wow. That was cold!

Valerie said...

Yikes, what Jen said. So much suggested. Some minor indication of who the characters were might have helped a bit, but only a tiny amount so as not to detract from an otherwise streamlined piece.

Laura Eno said...

Good thing she spotted the drop of blood... :)

That Neil Guy said...

Thanks everybody! I think Valerie's right and a touch more character work wouldn't have hurt...

Eric J. Krause said...

Very cool story! The ending took me by surprise.

Gracie said...

Ooh, cold and delightful! Story by innuendo-- perfectly focused little snapshot.

Excellent.

ThomG said...

So tight, so focused, but you've left the reader to fill in the gaps. I love it.

John Wiswell said...

Next boat trip is guys only, if any are still alive.