Saturday, April 24, 2010

Oldest Trick in the Book

Burt shoved the gun against my forehead.

“Cute,” he said. “Very cute.”

“Thank you,” I stammered.

“Reese never mentioned you were funny.” He moved the gun to my chest and whispered in my ear. “I hate funny.”

“Me, too,” I said. “And clichés. I hate clichés.” Crap. Couldn’t stop myself.

Burt jammed the muzzle into my ribs.

“Are you saying I’m a cliché?”

“Just your dialogue,” I replied. “I mean, come on, ‘I hate funny.’ It’s like an episode of Rockford Files or something.”

“You want to see a cliché? I got a cliché for you. How about the dead guy with a big hole in his head?”

“You’re actually pointing at my heart right now.”

“Shut up!”

Ouch. He’d shouted that right into my ear.

“Listen,” I said. “Let’s just go back to Reese and talk to him. I’m sure he’ll understand if I can just explain it to him.”

“Explain it to me, funny man.” Burt took a step back, the gun still pointed at me. “Go ahead.”

“Well,” I began, casually stepping toward him, “it’s like this.”

Burt reflexively took another step back. And dropped into the open manhole.

“Whoopsie,” I said, grabbing Reese’s briefcase and heading off to the airport.

Turns out I’d lied to Burt. Actually, I love clichés.


Ed R said...

VERY funny! I love it!

Sue London said...

Funny! My favorite part is:

“Me, too,” I said. “And clichés. I hate clichés.” Crap. Couldn’t stop myself.

Cat Russell said...

That was great! Reminded me a bit of Dave Barry. Funny!

Valerie said...

Okay, yes, I chuckled. Sometimes the cliche works.

Unknown said...

Cute short-short story. Cracked me up! -TimK

Jen said...

Oh that is beautiful. I like this guy!

Aislinn O'Connor said...

As neat a twist as you could wish to read! Brilliant :-)


Nice job. Loved the dialogue!

Marisa Birns said...

Laughed at this. Somehow saw the Roadrunner besting Wile E. Coyote!

Though your MC said, "Whoopsie," instead of "mheep-mheep." :)

Optomistic said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Optomistic said...

Surprised me. Laughed out loud loved it. Tahnks for the read

Anonymous said...

Too funny. "Whoopsie." Gotta watch out for those open manhole covers.

Totally enjoyed this. :)

shannon esposito said...

Ha! The funny guy gets the last laugh! (Can't stop myself, either)
Enjoyed, thanks!

John Wiswell said...

Any cliche that saves my life is fine by me.

Suitcases of money are also welcome.

Sam said...

LMAO!!! Oh for a well=placed open manhole. ;)